It's killing me to let you go
by Velouriaa
Summary: What happen when you really love someone? When you can t even imagine a life without that person. When you are so attach that it hurts just to think about being left behind. He was in there. He was so deep in love that it just killed him, even when he wasn't the dead one. Death fic. Short Story
1. Prologue

"I never wanted you to _leave_."

It's a little funny how the things turn in this life, always changing here and there. You can be one moment on the top of the world, and the next one, you're buried deep down on the ground. It was the destiny and all its unbelievable plans, making everything look so good, and then…so, so bad.

And there was Sam and Dean Winchester, feeling like they own the world. Hitting a road going nowhere, breathing like it was the most wonderful thing in the whole universe, singing songs that they loved and yet missing the lyrics. There was Sam and Dean, looking at each other like there was no time evolving them around. Getting lost into their eyes, hazel and jade, merging with every little sight. And for them, that just felt so fine.

But, life is like that, astonishing.

And sometimes, in a horrible way.

"I didn't, Sammy" his incredible green eyes traveled from the pale of Sam's neck skin, to their wet and bright eyes "I'm just here _with you_."

"You know what I mean." His large thin fingers made a way all over the still freckled cheekbones of his brother, and Dean leaned on the touch, and that just made it harder to breathe, because it felt just like an illusion. There was nothing of the warm that Dean used to have, left in his body.

Dean died a month ago, and Sam had to actually laugh, because fuck, they could beat every single monster in a blink of an eye, every mystical creature and all the things that the little kids were afraid of, but it had to be another _human _the one who finished with the life of his brother.

He doesn't even remember the name of the hunter, it was an accident, he was trying to help them with the case, but instead, he put Sam in a total misery. Sam was going to kill him, really he was, but he just left him unconscious and ran away with the cold body of Dean hanging in his arms.

He hated the feel of the blood in his hands, HIS blood, spilling down his clothes, leaving stains there, just to remind him how cruel this life can be.

"C'mon Sammy, I can't stand to see you cry" Dean took a lock of the long hair of Sam and put it behind his ear "what can I do to make you feel better?" his fingertips, like ice, caressed the bare skin of his brother's arms.

Sam got goose bumps then, looking down at his brother who was sitting on the couch, under his body. Dean was staring at him, so intently that he almost fell off his lap.

How could it be possible to death eyes to have that bright, to still shinning like he meant everything for his brother?

Dean smiled.

He took Sam's face in his hands and made him lean down until there was no distance between them. He brushed his lips over his brother's and then he kissed Sam so slow, so cold, so impossible.

He broke the kiss just to take in his tongue a little tear that fell down Sam's cheek.

"Stay." Sam said into the kiss. Breathless.

"I'm here Sammy" A sigh. "I'm here, **_I'm not gonna leave you_**."

Dean died not so long ago, but he took the life of Sam with him.

Love has strange ways to be showed. There are heartbreaking stories that claim to be told. There were two brothers who stepped into love deeper and deeper every day, falling into a terrifying kind of romance, with no turning back.

Sam and Dean Winchester, who loved each other… beyond death.


	2. Unfair

I'm incredibly awful in my english, so the chapters are going to be short, I hope you understand :)

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><p>Jimmy Eat World - Hear you me ( watch?v=9pQo9OQlIB8)<p>

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><p>The hardest part was to decide whether he had to burn his brother's body or bury it deep down in the ground.<p>

He chose the second one. Because he knew he wouldn't have been able to see the fire consuming everything that was his once. Everything that he loved with insanity, disappearing in front of his eyes and becoming ashes.

So, there he was.

Looking down at the dirt. Thinking about nothing at all, he didn't want to.

What are you supposed to think when you just lost pretty much the reason of your entire life?

At this point, his eyes had lost every single color that they used to have, gleaming with tears that refused to fall down and reflecting the charming light of the moon.

"Just so you know, it's a beautiful night." He said almost inaudible. The wind danced across the field, caressing the skin of his face and making his hair follow the beat, and it was like the breeze was trying to comfort him, to somehow, let him know that he wasn't alone. _Not at all_.

Sam wiped his face with the back of his hand and turned heading to the Impala.

_She _smelled like him, leather, beer, after shave lotion…and Sam. And he had the thought that she missed Dean too, because she didn't roar under his hands the way that she used to when it was Dean who drove her.

He slept in the car that night, he closed his eyes and breathed the scent of Dean all over the space. He turned on the radio, he thought about put Dean's cassettes, but instead, he put the music that he liked and imagined his brother arguing about it.

_"__Driver picks the music."_

It was cold, somewhere aside the road, and every part of his body was shouting for some warm, but he didn't anything to fix it. He wanted to feel every ounce of pain that he could.

"Fucking lair." Sam hugged himself and turned to his side, facing the wheel, he raised his hand and landed his fingertips on it, where he imagined that his brother's finger prints were. "You told me I was strong. I'm fucking not."

And shit, how fast he was going crazy.

He woke in the middle of the night, trembling. It took him exactly ten seconds to realize that his only companion was the leather beneath him. It wasn't a nightmare after all…

He blinked a couple of times to clarify his view and then he laid his eyes on the black jacket that covered his chest, _it was Dean's._

He frowned, and whatever that was going to cross his mind, got lost when a rain drop fell in the windshield. Then another, and another one.

And like a mirror, the tears started to run down his eyes, leaving a wet trace across his cheeks. It was in that exactly moment, that he let himself cry, feeling emptiness where it should've been...Dean. Feeling the cold seat under his head, where it should've been his brother's legs. Feeling his body untouched where it should've been Dean´s hands all over the way, making him feel protected, sure, warm and loved.

He cried along the sound of the rain until he fell asleep again, beneath a sky that seemed to feel bad for him, crying his loneliness too.

And Sam didn't hear it, but there was a whisper echoing in the air, claiming to be listened.

"C'mon Sammy, don't cry_. I won't leave_."


End file.
